Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
