Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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