thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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