physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
