How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The Olympian is in my bed
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
