Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
