i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
