just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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