Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
