You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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