ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
