So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
