I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I could fuck to npr.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
