I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
