He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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