Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
