I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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