I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
