so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
