my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
