nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
