so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is it because I queefed?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
