I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
