I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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