I'm jealous of your bromance
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
