Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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