bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
