My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
