WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
