I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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