They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
