I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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