Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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