Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
