My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
