Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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