I wish I could punch you in the face.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
