Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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