I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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