At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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