yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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