You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
