they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
