i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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