this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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