Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
