Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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