i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
