She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
