Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
