she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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