he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
