the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
