508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
