I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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