I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
