Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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