oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
