can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
