woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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