Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize