drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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