You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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