You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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