So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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