every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize