if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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