Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize