Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My room smells like vodka and shame
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
