Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
