Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
