how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
