He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
