I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize