So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You're a waste of cheezeits
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
