i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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