if you like me you must not know who I am
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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