i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When are your genitals available?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
