I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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