like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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