I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
