evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
