hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
