I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize