hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
