no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
