I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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