New invention idea: vibrating tampons
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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